i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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