I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
