Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
