I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
