So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
