they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I wear drunk well.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
