I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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