Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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