last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
