that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
