Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
