I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
