I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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