Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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