You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
