come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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