I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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