Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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