going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
