To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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