Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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