i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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