I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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