Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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