shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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