so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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