i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
