I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
