I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
