I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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