Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
