New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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