I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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