Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
