Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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