Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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