The maid of honor just puked.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
