Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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