He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
