We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
