i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
