its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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