How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
