I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
