why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
