you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
