Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
