I will die if light touches me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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