Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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