good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
