whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
